This post is a continuation of my Year 2 journal entries:
Year 3
[Third year teaching middle school English at the same middle school.]
[My current thoughts/reactions are annotated in pink.]
September 23, 2007
I have been thinking a lot about money lately. I want to do and see things, but that requires money and I don’t have any. As a teacher, I work as hard or harder than my peers in other jobs, but I never get adequately compensated.
I’m bitter right now. I feel like I am always stuck waiting to do the things I want to do; I don’t know how much longer I can take it. What will I do when my car breaks down? What will I do when I can never afford to own a home? I don’t know. Do I want too much? Am I focusing on the wrong things? I want a car that isn’t falling apart. It’s embarrassing when my door doesn’t open and I have to climb over the passenger seat. There’s no air conditioning, my CD’s get stuck…but it gets me from A to B and that’s what matters. I will have to bring in some extra cash somehow. [I had an Explorer that was on its last leg that I had borrowed from my parents. I just kept borrowing crap cars because I couldn't buy one.]
October 10, 2007
I stayed late at school today and to try and catch up. I’m getting there slowly but surely.
December 3, 2007
I am being really stubborn lately. I don’t like going to this gifted certification class because I was forced to do it. [All new teachers in the county had to complete the class within three years of being hired.] I refuse to do any of my homework on time and the sad part is I would actually enjoy the assigned articles if I had time to read them.
I think I would enjoy earning my masters, but I don’t want to do it because I’m bitter that I would have to do it on top of everything I already do for school. In general, I am frustrated that I have to do this gifted class, research getting a masters, and figure out how to work a 2nd job in order to have enough money to afford to do something besides work.
January 3, 2008
School is so stressful. I feel I am being blamed for the kids not being able to write.
January 4, 2008
School was good today. I only checked my e-mail once and I kicked Matt [a chatty coworker] out when I was trying to be productive. I rounded up all of my special education kids and helped them after school, but I still got them out the door by 3 o’clock.
“If you cannot feed 100 people, just feed one.”-Mother Teresa
January 10, 2008
I talked to my principal today and it looks like I might get a chance to teach at a high school next year. I am sad to leave, but I am extremely excited for the opportunity.
January 24, 2008
I started The Diary of Anne Frank [play] today and the reaction was really cool. The kids were totally in tune and asked really great questions. I was proud of their maturity and it was one of the best days I’ve had in awhile.
January 25, 2008
What I Loathe About Teaching:
Meetings!! WHAT A WASTE OF TIME! [This has never changed.]
Teaching the same lesson over and over again.
Great Lessons I’ve Learned:
· Warm ups are valuable; use them to check for understanding.
· No more than two days preparation to read a novel
· Standing at the door to greet kids is essential because you can get a read on how a kid is feeling at the beginning of class.
· Don’t show a movie clip for longer than 25 minutes.
· I don’t always have to listen to what the teaching books or others tell me what to do.
I definitely need to haul in a bit of extra cash. Maybe I should work at Macy’s.
January 28, 2008
It was teacher workday today, and I got a lot done but not enough. I am now grading, but I am going to head to bed soon.
February 4, 2008
I feel it is nearly impossible to be a good teacher when I am tired. I am short with people and I distort everything.
February 5, 2008
Parent meetings aren’t as bad as I expect or dread.
February 6, 2008
I have learned so much in the past two years of teaching, and I feel a bit nervous about all that I still have to learn. I am learning slowly but the most fun is when Matt [coworker] and I can share really great ideas and have good discussions and help each other.
Class has been good since we are studying Anne Frank. The play sells itself. Today we viewed a movie clip of the play, and it was funny to watch the kids clutch their desks in breathless anticipation. They have so many questions about the Holocaust, and I cannot answer them all. I have to do some research tonight.
The kids have grown up a lot already this year. It was fun to watch.
February 14, 2008
I hate when I lose my temper. I feel so guilty afterwards, and there is no way to go back and fix what has been said. I will try harder.
February 20, 2008
I feel an extreme responsibility to these kids that I don’t know if I can handle or live up to. I have to teach them all to write-but how? How can I make the difference I want to and still have a life outside of school? I have not figured this out yet.
More Great Lessons Learned:
Treat children like children, not grown adults.
Be careful with words.
February 22, 2008
Today we have a snow day so I am not in school. Good thing. I was banking on this snow day so that I could have extra time to make my unit test. This school year has been stressful.
March 28, 2008
School going well. Fun.
April 3, 2008 –Talent show day
I am now well into my third year of teaching. I am feeling better about all of this. There’s been such a huge turnaround in my thought that I am stunned. Remember how much I hated teaching? I’ve learned tons but I know I still have a long ways to go.
We are in the middle of the annual speech contest. As usual, the kids have exceeded my expectations.
April 7, 2008
I had a happy day at school. Today, Kiley [a student] spoke about depression and started crying during her speech. This made everyone else cry, too. When it was over she went to the bathroom and cleaned herself up. When she came back in, everyone gave her a small round of applause. They are really growing up.
April 8, 2008
I have been a “real teacher” for two years and four months now and these years have been the hardest part of the whole journey. Now that I feel confident and can get some normal sleep, I am really happy. I knew deep down that this was right, even though I’ve had some very serious doubts. I have a lot of good ideas (at least the sprouts of some), and I am really excited to learn how they could come to fruition. [I am amazed I felt like this ever. I feel happy that younger me got to feel this way for a short period of time.]
I know that reflecting is a huge part of being a good, flexible teacher, so I am sorry I have not done a better job. Matt [coworker] says I should publish this journal, but I keep it very sporadically. I am usually too busy to write.
April 15, 2008
The last three days have been a blur. I spent all night putting together my portfolio for my interview at the high school. I thought it did not go well, but apparently I was wrong because I got offered a job today! [I literally stayed up all night and then showed up to the interview having drank 10,000 cups of coffee...I am not sure how the interviewers kept a straight face or why they ended up hiring me.]
On a different note, today I remembered what it feels like to be a first year teacher. I felt lost, confused, tired and frustrated. I hate not having a least one-year of “know-how” to go on when teaching a new book; it can all be very tiring and frustrating. I realize now how far I’ve come from my first day of teaching.
April 22, 2008
Today is a good day, but in a few minutes I need to give a stern talking-to to one of my sweetest students. She has made friends with the new girl and hasn’t stopped talking to her for two days straight...even through lessons.
Today we finished up a plot structure lesson and created mind-maps. As much as I hated that gifted class, I got some good ideas from it.
April 23, 2008
Eight weeks left of school. Two months. I am exhausted. My energy noticeably drops after lunch. I am barely okay to teach by seventh period. I’m so tired.
Today was the second round of the speech contest and my students did really well. Between the four students of mine that competed, they won 1500 dollars in scholarship money. They are incredible kids.
Anyway, for this summer I am going to start hunting for SAT or tutoring jobs and see what turns up. [Ah! I am still doing this now!]
April 28, 2008
I had an awesome week trying all of my new strategies, and in the end, it was extremely positive and fruitful. I am still exhausted, though, and it showed in my team meeting. I am tired and forgot to check my frustration at our team meeting. I am frustrated with Brandon. Brandon, after succeeding last quarter, is completely sabotaging himself now. I am frustrated with Heather’s mom, who all year has demanded to know when extra help was but never sent her child.
May 9, 2008
We are doing a free-write in class today but the kids are EXTREMELY rowdy. I have had to repeat myself a billion times and they can’t seem to sit still.
Yesterday was the first really super stressful day that I’ve had in awhile. I (incredibly) almost forgot what those days felt like; it used to be every day. Things suddenly calmed down when I wasn’t paying attention.
May 31, 2008
Two student families gave me gift cards for teacher appreciation week…sweet!! I ran right into Barnes and Nobles and bought books!
June 12, 2008
Today is a lot better than yesterday. I went with the student energy instead of against.
June 18, 2008
Graduation day today. It was beautiful and well executed given the sad circumstance of the week (sudden death of a student two days beforehand).
We hung out for a long time on the lawn afterwards, and it was a really nice time. I got to say “thank you” to a lot of parents and received a ton of gratitude in return. I really will miss this class; there are a ton of kids that I got attached to.
To be continued....
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