[7th year teaching at the same school.]
Shit I am Going To DO THIS YEAR [Pretty sure I accomplished none of this.]
1. Work on patience
2. Accept criticism even when harsh
3. Challenge students
4. Read teaching books
5. Work on classroom management
6. Be grateful and work on decreasing complaining
7. Meet others
8. Be yourself
August 28, 2014
Today was a good day at work. No meetings. Got a lot done. I like it here so I will stay here as long as I am happy.
I am upset we didn’t get a raise last year. I’ve done nothing but work my ass off for the last 6 years and have nothing to show for it. Just feels really demeaning. Yes, I can do extra stuff to increase my salary but it’s frustrating when we are not even given decent base salary, so then we have to do a ton of crazy stuff on top of an already crazy job. Gets tiring and embarrassing. I am going to submit my +30 paperwork in a few weeks. I am proud of that.
September 5, 2014
First day of school today. Fun. Congratulations to me for starting my 10th year of teaching!
Happy with my students so far.
I am excited to have the chance to work with super bright kids, but they are intimidating sometimes.
My list of shit I need to improve upon is pretty long, so I just need to keep looking at it.
September 9, 2014
This journal is almost finished. I can’t believe this is my 10th year of teaching. There’s still a lot I want to work on as far as teaching goes. Maybe I’ll have time to learn it all one day. I do still want to move and live in other places, but for now I am happy to be here. If I stop being happy here then I guess it would be time to go.
September 29, 2014
Starting to feel like my salary is a very funny joke to someone. I just realized our salary increase from the year before was not really a raise. They gave it to us because the state required teachers to start putting a certain percent of our salaries into our retirement plans. If we didn’t get a raise then the actual cash we got for each paycheck would have decreased significantly. It was nice of the district to make sure our checks did not decrease, so I guess I am mad at the state? I get that retirement saving is necessary but I AM ALSO BROKE RIGHT NOW. I would rather have the cash right now to pay my bills and get out of debt. My actual incoming cash has increased maybe once in five years? My salary has only increased because I’ve been taking classes. Ugh. Feel so worthless. Like literally worth nothing because my bank account is empty. Angry. Starting to feel that this is all a joke.
October 29, 2014
Now that I have finished my +30 graduate credits, I feel like I am in a dead end job without a career path. I’ve struggled just to get your average, decent salary and now that’s it? I just have to sit here and wait for someone to give me a raise? No matter how hard I work? I feel like I have no say in what I earn. Now I understand what everyone’s been saying about teachers having nowhere to go and no career path. Must figure out other options for myself.
January 8, 2015
It means a lot to me when kids go out of their way to say thank you.
January 29, 2015
I forget how draining parents can be. I need to learn to meditate. I absolutely cannot let it be that 1 person out of 300 makes my job hell. I want to appreciate the 299 parents that make this a good job.
But… every person in every job has to deal with difficult people or people they don’t get along with. I thought I was getting better at it, but not really. I just want to learn how to shut my thoughts off when I am home.
January 31, 2015
I have to learn how to leave my worries at work. I can take my papers home, but not worry.
I’m tired of being walked all over. I need to be more assertive.
Being assertive does not mean being mean. Try to say things in the nicest way possible.
February 2, 2015
I am super mad at Jack’s mom for treating me like I am trying to screw Jack over, but then today I as like…this is not a real problem. Some mom giving me a hard time is not a real problem. I let it become a problem in my head, but in the grand scheme of things, not a real problem.
February 7, 2015
I’m tired of spending all of my spare time doing extra jobs on top of an already hard job.
I like my job, but the most draining part is everything I do on top of it to make money to do the things I actually want to do.
February 26, 2015
Work is killing me! AP students need to do way more writing then I can actually grade. I need better strategies because I have a giant headache.
February 27, 2015
I had a hard week at work. A couple of my kids plagiarized. I hate confrontation and this sort of stuff gets everyone upset. I’m upset that I had to deal with it, but any open-ended projects open themselves up to it. I’m just really upset and I have a knot in my stomach about it. How many angry e-mails will I have to deal with for the rest of the year? It just makes me feel a little sick. But it’s a part of school and I need to learn to leave it at work…otherwise I will go crazy.
March 26, 2015
Teacher lesson learned today: Always ask kids if they are OK before nagging about an assignment. Made Maddie cry today. Felt bad.
April 13, 2015
I think a lot about my job…mostly because I suck at it and I don’t want to suck.
May 5, 2015
Teaching offers lots of time off but not a lot of flexibility.
June 11, 2015
Always feel like I am a sucky teacher, BUT here I am. [Omg lol. Overall, all of these entries were terrible and depressing so this feels like a fitting closing. Since I am having a hard time in my job right now, I was hoping I would get to this entry and remember why I am still doing this, but NOPE! lolololololol.]
Epilogue [2017 ish]
It took me a few years to type up my journal, sort through it, and edit. It was hard and embarrassing to reread some of the passages, as I do not feel crazy, broke, or stupid anymore. [2024 update: I hate everything and currently feel crazy, broke, and stuck. I can't tell if all of these feelings go in a cycle or if teaching has gotten progressively worse and I mistook the good days as signs up the job getting better.] I had almost forgotten that I had ever felt that way. I am still teaching and trying to hang on for as long as I am happy. [Not happy but don't want to abandon the kids midyear...plus, I stilll like the kids...somewhat.] I hope you are hanging in there as well.
Thank you for taking this terribly depressing walk down memory lane with me. Now that I have gone through all of these journals again, I realize that my student teacher was very, very wrong in saying that I should publish these, and I was very, very wrong to actually agree!!! Anyway, now back to the good stuff: Actual lessons.
Comments